Buying Love and Friendships

Posted on May 19, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

I have always had issues regarding money. I have often wondered why that is. When I was younger I was sexually abused and was kept quiet by way of money. Money that could never make up for the innocence my childhood that was taken away from me but did make me feel dirty and worthless as though what was happening to me was my fault. It was as though because I took the money I accepted what was happening to me and was as guilty as the abuser. My cluttering and collecting habits actually stemmed from the money I ‘earned’ from the abuse. It was as though surrounding myself with clutter would someone make up for all that I had lost.

Then there were times in life when I did well, and was given something ‘nice’ as a treat. It felt as though my life involved around money. I went to school with people who had so much more than me, it felt like what I had wasn’t enough. I needed more in order to belong.

Somehow in my mind friendships and relationships became centred around money. I would always want to buy friends something and then if they bought me something would feel that I owed them something. I had a very unhealthy attitude to money – and yet I didn’t even have any money.

Funnily enough I often struggled to make friends and was social phobic. Looking back how could I be any other when my focus was so wrong. I would stress every time anyone talked to me. I would think I had nothing in common with them, which was crazy when all they were talking was the weather and I had seen that too. I was expecting myself to be judged in same way I judged people. Maybe not everyone saw the world through my twisted eyes.

I can now see that I am no better or worse than people with more or less money than I have. People will like me or not, but I have many positive elements to my personality that are given freely. Maybe it are these qualities that count and not my bank balance or clutter.

Writing and Book Links

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

Clutter Anxiety

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

I have said before on this blog that I feel my former clutter habits were linked to my mental. I have suffered social phobia and felt my possessions gave me an identity. Recently the charity Anxiety UK released a report stating that hoarding is often linked to mental health problems.

Their theory is that clutter is a reaction to panic attacks, agoraphobia and social phobia, then the clutter increases the anxiety. From my own experience I would tend to agree. Looking back I can see there were signs of anxiety growing in me from a young age. I did always have a longing to collect, ‘something.’ It wasn’t until I was in my teens that my hoarding and collecting got out of hand, but it was also the time my anxiety was at its worse.

I have found in the act of releasing the clutter I have also released many of my fears and my old way of thinking. I have found becoming a minimalist to be therapeutic even if it has been a bit of an emotional journey at times.

I do agree with the idea that clutter gave me a sense of identity, but that the identity became like a noose around my neck. There was the constant maintaining it, organising it, making sure the right items were in there, buying more , needing to keep up with others, trying to be better than others – all in all the clutter was really a time consuming headache that just gave me another thing to worry about.

I am not saying de-cluttering has solved all my problems, but it has helped me to heal old wounds and to mentally move on. Every de-cluttering session would raise new issues within my mind, that needed to be dealt with. Clutter was caused by my mental health – I was always looking for an answer somewhere else. At the same time I wonder if minimalism is good or just another quirk in my mind, but I guess only time will tell me that.

I am glad that I have de-cluttered and let go of the past – regardless of what the future may bring.

Tortoise Totem and Dreams Meaning

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

The tortoise (Testudinidae) is a spiritual totem. The tortoise can often represent the nomad or the wanderer. They take their home on their back and leave behind what they cannot carry. Those people with the tortoise as their totem or power animals will often dislike clutter and be quite minimalistic in approach. The tortoise can teach us the meaning of freedom and travelling light. As a power animal or totem he teaches us to leave our burdens behind and to move on in life.

The tortoise is a totem associated with the element of earth; those people with this medicine will often be in tune with the earth force and be aware of changes around them. They are herbivores and often have a good understanding of the plants around them.

The tortoise can live as long as a human or even up to 200 years old. Because of this they often symbolise longevity and ancient wisdom. They are sturdy and slow, but dependable and they understand that they is no need to rush, you will get to where you need to go in good time.

In some part of the world the magic of the tortoise is stronger than that of the snake, but you must work closely with the tortoise before he will tell you his secrets. It is said that the tortoise represents heaven (his shell) and Mother Earth (his underneath).

The tortoise features in many different mythologies and it is always seen as an ancient wise animal which should be treated with respect and honoured. The tortoise teaches us how to protect ourselves peacefully,

The tortoise totem is about focusing on what is important. It is simple spirituality without the materialism. It is about getting back to basics and remembering that you and the divine spirit are all that is needed to feel connected within the world

Vegan Links

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

Vegan Family Home

Vegan Village

Vegan Friendly Guest Houses Links

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

Fern Tor, South Melton, Devon

Are Creative Writing Courses Good or Bad

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

I have taken two Creative Writing modules as part of the English degree I am doing. But are creative writing courses really a good thing? I have to say from my own experience I have mixed views. Taking them has improved my confidence and my technique. It has given me a better understanding of writing and what makes a story. Some of the techniques I could have learnt from a book, but my tutors and fellow students have also helped me to improve. I am glad I took them as it has opened my eyes to different ways, different genres and has given me the confidence to try new things.

The downside is I feel as though I have lost some of the creativity and my own natural voice. I have lost some of the elements that made my writing unique. But, hopefully I will be able to get it back now I am feel of the constraints the creative writing courses placed on me (my reminding courses whilst English based are not creative writing).

I do feel that creative writing courses are much less creative and more writing technique courses, but the art is probably to balance both. I know some fantastic creative people who have never received any formal training and others that have received loads.

I think it depends what you are hoping to gain from taking the course. I gained confidence and learnt I was better at poetry and scriptwriting than I thought and I will be venturing into those areas again whereas I wouldn’t have done in the past. It also taught me how to write more ‘to standard,’ if I wanted to look at writing for magazines.

I am glad I did the creative writing courses but I would not want to take any more (not that I could afford to anyway). What I have learnt I will keep with me but it won’t control my writing. If you are thinking of taking a course then my advice would be to take it, but be sure what you ultimate goal is and remember a course does not make you a writer.

Are Competitions Good?

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

I have always believed competition is good, but looking back at my own life I am not sure. I have not done any studies although I have read varies thoughts on the subject. This is based purely on my own experiences. During my life I have won and lost many times at different games and things. It may not have done me any deep rooted psychological damage, but it also did little to help me.

When I feel competitive I am driven to spend hours on one thing. I have great levels of concentration and focus on my goal for long periods, depriving myself of sleep. Yes, as a result I can win – but I never really enjoyed those moments. To be honest, my wins, simply drove me on to spend even more hours – being better.

This may sound like positive results, but in reality I didn’t enjoy it and spent hours on things that never really were of much interest to me anyway. What I was really trying to achieve was the recognition. I loved people telling me that I had done well or seeing my name up in, ‘lights.’

It meant I had less time to spend on the things I did love. As a child I love horse riding and writing. I was good at both. I wanted to improve at both, not to get a certificate or golden star but because I loved doing them. I never entered one horse riding competition and I never gained one qualification. Yet, people have commented (including high ranking horse people) how good I am How they know I don’t know. For me horses are there to love and adore. I wanted to know everything about horses as they were my passion, not because I won anything.

My other passion was writing. The only thing I have won by writing was an edible mouse at school. The teacher hadn’t said it was a competition, she simply called a few of us in private and handed us our mouse because she liked our work. I have always loved writing and wanted to learn because it was what I wanted to do. It wasn’t a competition. There were no winners and losers.

Sometimes we don’t need a competition we simply need to find our passion.

Teaching a Story vs. Imagination

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Samantha Grayson

Fictional books can often fall into two categories. There are those books that allow a person to delve into their imaginations and those books that are acting as a message. Many traditional fairy tales contained a moral story behind them, so the concept of trying to teach a story is nothing new. In modern times though the message has become more obvious and the imagination has died.

I have read books from both groups many times in my life both as a child and as an adult. Likewise I have written in both styles. Being on a writing course probably made me more geared towards the moral story and less towards the imagination as I had to steer clear of what could be classed as children’s’ stories.

Stories that fill were filled with imagination were the ones that allowed me to run off into my own fantasy worlds. It was though stories that I dreamt about and that inspired me to create my own stories. It was those stories that I remembered the longest.

That is not to say I learnt nothing from moral stories or story that were trying to teach me something. They did make me think about my own life or give me ideas about how to solve the problems within my own life. Both types of stories have their advantages.

When you are writing a story it is important to decide which type of story you are aiming for. It is possible the two will overlap slightly, but decide which the more important aspect to you is. Is the talking tree there to teach you to save the earth or simple a crazy tree that like tormenting people by dropping leaves on people’s heads?

Are you out to save the world or out to save the mind from boredom?